First Night

I'm working through things in my head -- lots of things. How to balance work with kids? How to balance cleaning with playing? How to balance chaos of stuff with everyday living? And how to do the most for my kids while maintaining my work and my sanity?

I want my son to be able to take swimming. At 2 he was diving so I want to encourage it without taking the fun out of it. I want my daughter to be able to take something. Her choices are ballet, gymnastics, "artor" and football (who knows where this one came from.) We live in the middle of nowhere and the offerings are slim at best. So that means I'm going to have to commute at least 45-1 hour to get them into decent programs. How do I work that with work? On the other hand, when we are home, which is going to be most of the time *crossing fingers how do I balance giving them attention and working?

Now to all this which I've been debating for several weeks now, I'm going to add some dedicated time for me. Not just play time for scrapbooking, but time to really pray and read and study again. I think in the end this is the most important, but it still has to balance with everything else. So my task this weekend is to do some research on other moms who work from home raise their kids -- single moms would be great, but my thought is that they are scarce.

Tomorrow has been put aside for fun. My friend Tracy and her daughter Hannah will be coming over for a playdate. Not only with the kiddos be playing, but us girls will be too -- scrapbooking here we come. I'm so excited. I'm going to now try to get the house ready for visitors as we don't have many of those and I tend to let things pile up. I did get all the laundry done and put away today though -- go me!

The Beginning

It was a couple of nights ago, in the middle of the night. I do my best and most work then. Kids are down for the count and I'm able to concentrate and work quickly. I was actually on Facebook at the time and suddenly I was hit with the urge to pray - for my sister.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not one of those people who goes around saying God Bless You all the time or rubbing my faith in other's faces. In fact, I cannot stand that, it irks me to no end. But I've always had a deep, strong faith in God. I was raised in a church, my parents were missionaries for Campus Crusade for Christ.

So there I am, checking out old associates on Facebook. I wouldn't call them friends but most of them I have not spoken to in over 15 years. And I get this urge to pray. Nothing specific like she's in trouble, just this urge. That's the best way I can think of it. So, not wanting to ignore something, I offer up a quick "Thanks for my sister, please take care of her" and move on with my night.

All night long, I had this urge to just pray. I ignored it. I went to sleep and I woke up with the same thought in my head. So now for two days, I am going on with my typical days but this feeling of "become more powerful, learn the power of prayer" keeps running through my head. So I've decided to really check it out. Sounds cooky, huh? Yea, my thoughts too. But I can't shake it.

So last night as I was Christmas shopping I visited the local Christian book store and bought a couple of books on devotionals, etc. I got some for my grandmother, mom and sister too -- just to share the wealth. If I'm going to give this a shot, I figured I would encourage them too.

That is what this blog is all about. I want to track myself. Document my "prayer" life as you might call it. So here I am, middle of the work day and getting all set.

So before you think "wow, demented crazy lady" let me tell you a little more about how I got to the place I am now in life. I am a 34 year old, separated woman with two munchkins - daughter, age 4 and son, age 3. I have a background in social work (bachelor's degree and 4 years work experience as a Case Manager) and information systems (master's degree and 10 years work experience.) I currently work from home for myself, you can visit my company site at EPOH.com. My husband and I own a carpet cleaning company locally, you can visit that site here.

He and I are separated because he is verbally, mentally and physically abusive to me. I have known him for 12 years and had no clue of the abuse that I would encounter until a week after we were married. It has continued for the 6 years of our marriage and I finally called it quits and left after the last physical violent incident. I love him, but I will not return to that relationship unless I am assured it will NEVER happen again.

So after 6 months of living with my wonderfully supportive although severely dysfunctional (whose aren't these days) parents, I have rented a beautiful home in the country on 5 acres where my kids and I live at peace for the first time in well, as long as I can remember.

My struggles include being a single mom to brilliant children, supporting us financially and choosing the best path for me, them and potentially my marriage in the long run.

My joys include being a mom to brilliant children, loving my work and being able to support us financially currently, scrapbooking and a growing confidence in me and where I can go from here as a woman, mother, friend and philanthropist someday.

I have a strong to desire to help others. I've always wanted to be a foster mother, but with my children being so young, I feel it is best I wait til they are older. Someday I would like to travel to other countries and make a difference somehow. Time will tell.

So this is the beginning . . . thank you for sharing this journey with me.